You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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