I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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