I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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