Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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