I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
