Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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