Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
