idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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