It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I am naked and annoyed.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
