gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So much Jack, so little girl.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
