ugly people sure do ruin things
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
