Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize