Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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