Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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