this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
