I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
