I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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