Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
wanna go halves on a baby?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
