I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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