do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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