cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
