How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
