I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
