Pants 0. Shit 1.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
