ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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