I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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