we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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