I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
