You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
