i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
