it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
