Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
