no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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