U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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