He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
