Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
