I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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