I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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