I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week