I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.