Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"

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  (407): I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt" http://tfl.nu/48bw
  Replies (14) Good night (3365) Bad night (996)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  her nose should be used as a dorsal fin

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  (404): her nose should be used as a dorsal fin http://tfl.nu/cjiq
  Replies (10) Good night (699) Bad night (3153)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.

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  (507): So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game. http://tfl.nu/nypl
  Replies (58) Good night (850) Bad night (3907)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater

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  (778): There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater http://tfl.nu/g5ze
  Replies (4) Good night (919) Bad night (2501)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.

  (913): View more from Kansas

  1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me

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  (913): How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways. (913): 1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me http://tfl.nu/tb9a
  Replies (12) Good night (3555) Bad night (877)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.

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  (847): And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice. http://tfl.nu/ait7
  Replies (11) Good night (866) Bad night (1234)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.

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  (412): Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently. http://tfl.nu/q1xe
  Replies (1) Good night (1079) Bad night (888)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.

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  (985): Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece. http://tfl.nu/t3ih
  Replies (6) Good night (1218) Bad night (796)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.

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  (270): it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring. http://tfl.nu/qdw6
  Replies (7) Good night (655) Bad night (1416)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.

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  (337): So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned. http://tfl.nu/3vjy
  Replies (1) Good night (818) Bad night (470)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.

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  (515): I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again. http://tfl.nu/zet2
  Replies (1) Good night (573) Bad night (372)
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  (818): View more from California

  Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood

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  (818): Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood http://tfl.nu/uhdt
  Replies (1) Good night (397) Bad night (627)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental

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  (787): They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental http://tfl.nu/euqr
  Replies (1) Good night (592) Bad night (270)
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  (916): View more from California

  Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about

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  (916): Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about http://tfl.nu/nymk
  Replies (1) Good night (181) Bad night (216)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."

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  (405): There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that." http://tfl.nu/ay2e
  Replies (4) Good night (296) Bad night (162)

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