You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
