guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
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I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".