Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
