dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
