you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
