there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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