Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
