i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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