STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
