my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize