I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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