I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
