I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We named our party play list daddy issues
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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