Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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