You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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