so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
