don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
