Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
