Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
