it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
