I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize