Fuck appropriateness.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I supernannyed him into submission
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
