he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
