Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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