I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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