Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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