you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
