Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
