this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize