Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
