I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
