She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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