laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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