3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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