my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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