haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
