i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
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I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
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The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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