Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
