my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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